BUT FIRST, 90s RAP

Fearlessness is overrated. Let me explain. Since I was 4-feet-something with ringlets in my hair and velvet platform shoes on my feet, I have been plagued by bouts of anxiety. Sometimes it is so extreme that I just want to curl up in bed and hide under the covers – yes, this still happens in your 30s so if you were born after 1990, you have that to look forward to! Other times, it lingers in the background like a bad habit and you do everything you can to get through the day without it hovering over you like a dark cloud. That might sound like a melodramatic depiction, but I promise you, the sentiment is accurate!

Many things trigger my anxiety. Turns out, social situations aren’t really my jam, especially when I am meeting new people. I also dread being the center of attention, which is why starting a blog may seem like a bizarre choice but it’s all about growth people! If you’ve been a longtime reader, you know that I am trying this thing where I do exactly the opposite of what my brain tells me to do and see what happens. It may be a train wreck but it also may be something awesome and I am hoping for the latter. Fingers crossed.

Oftentimes, after being overwhelmed by insecurities and feelings of nervousness and fear, I don’t know how to reset. I have found that escaping into the world of reality television or Netflix shows about the Queen of England makes my brain stop. But, I realize this isn’t the healthiest way to fix the problem – even if I am learning a whole lot about the Royal Family and the immense pressure that comes with the Crown. So, as I have gotten older, I have tried to find healthier ways to show my anxiety who’s boss. And here is where 90s rap comes in. I am sure y’all were all waiting to see how I made that connection. I’ve realized that it’s all about finding your happy, and for me, happy is 90s rap and dance parties. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I search for Jock Jams, turn it on max volume, and just live in that moment. I know it sounds ABSOLUTELY senseless but it gives me the few minutes I need to center myself and breathe. You gotta do what works for you, right?!

I am sure Coffee in the Shower did not intend for me to search for the deeper meaning behind this tank but this phrase just reminds me to take it one step at a time. So, for those of you who suffer from anxiety like I do, here is my advice to you: before spiraling into a deep abyss of doubt and worry, take a minute for yourself, listen to your favorite jam, BREATHE and show ‘em who’s boss. Words to live by. And if you forget, you’ll always have this tank to remind you.

Love you. Like a lot.

Myn